That’s putting it nicely. When your body refuses to do its job, it is hard to deal with. I’m a woman, I’m supposed to make babies. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to throw my gender back to the dark ages, promise! It’s just what I want, more than anything in this world. I want to be a mommy. A Mommy. I was pregnant once, for fourteen beautiful weeks, with sweet baby Hope. It almost happened.
Quite often, I just feel broken. There’s a meme for this…YOU HAD ONE JOB! Sometimes I yell this at myself. Hey, uterus, YOU HAD ONE JOB! You, too, ovaries: ONE JOB! And the kicker is, I can’t fire them and hire parts that work. It is maddening.
We are seeing a specialist. We did IUI. I’ve lost 22 pounds since May. I’m eating healthy. I gave up Diet Coke and Diet Dr. Pepper. Sometimes I have dreams about DDP. They are glorious! I’m down to one cup of coffee a day. I’m taking a fist full of meds several times a day that make me hot and emotional. Now I’m sweaty and I cry a lot at things that are completely ridiculous (like there aren’t any napkins or that the cat won’t sleep with me). Poor Schmoopy! That man is a saint!
My story isn’t unique. It’s actually quite common. That’s why I am sharing. So many people have, as politely as possible, questioned me as to why I’m putting all of my secrets out there so publicly. Actually, I’m quite an Instagram junkie (@ohmandee) and I’ve been recording this struggle under the hashtag #gethealthygetbaby. I’m sharing because I need to. I’m sharing because I keep getting emails from beautiful, amazing, brilliant women who are going through this horrible thing, too. I’m not alone. We’re not alone. So many women tell me they are ashamed that they can’t get pregnant or stay pregnant. I get that. I’m not writing this to complain, either. I’m thankful for these medicines and procedures. I’m thankful that I even have a chance of getting pregnant.
I’m writing this because I’m not broken and neither are you. We’re just who we’re supposed to be, actually. Psalm 139:14 “I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.”
Whatever your struggle is, know that you are not broken. You are just what you are supposed to be. If you want to change something, change it. Become that beautiful, amazing anything you want to be. It isn’t easy, it doesn’t always work, but you have every reason to go for it.I have beautiful, amazing friends who remind me of this daily. They are true blessings to me. I pray that all of you have such friends.
This was quite rambling, I know. But my heart tells me that it needed to be shared.
Take care of you, please, you are so loved! xo